The tribe you do life with has a major impact on your journey as an individual and on your inner emotional landscape. Therefore, who you keep in your tribe is a fundamental consideration in your self-development journey.
Think about your key relationships (partners, children, family, friends, colleagues, etc.). These relationships impact your values, beliefs, and boundary management, revealing a lot about your internal landscape. The way you manage relationships and life, in general, is deeply influenced by your tribe. They shape how you navigate decision-making, disagreements, romance, parenting, dealing with crises, celebrating, and so much more.
It may feel uncomfortable to carry out the next exercise, however, you will learn a lot about yourself:
Assess Your Key Relationships
Ask yourself the following questions about each of your key relationships:
How did this person come to be in my tribe? Reflect on the origin of each relationship. Understanding the initial connection can provide insights into the role and significance of the relationship.
How do I feel when I spend significant time with this person? Pay attention to your emotions and energy levels. Do you feel uplifted, drained, anxious, or content? Your feelings are valuable indicators of the impact of this relationship upon your emotional landscape.
Does this person share my values and beliefs? Consider the alignment of your core values and beliefs. While differences can be enriching, shared values can strengthen the foundation of your relationship.
How respectful is this person of my boundaries? Evaluate how well this person respects your boundaries. Respect for boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.
Do I trust this person? Why? Trust is a fundamental in any meaningful relationship. Reflect on the reasons you trust or distrust this person.
Healthy Relationship Dynamics
No two people are the same. You may have completely differing views and ambitions from some members of your tribe. However, where there is mutual respect, encouragement, and honesty, you have a healthy bedrock that will serve you well. Differences can be a good dynamic if respect for each others perspectives is consistently present in the relationship.
Toxic Relationship Warning Signs
Be mindful of the following warning signs that may indicate a toxic relationship:
Excessive and regular emotional dumping on you.
Takes little interest in your opinion or well-being.
Regularly oversteps your boundaries.
Does not step up in critical times.
When you see the door close behind them, you feel relief.
When you achieve success, they are not one of the first people with whom you will share the good news.
You would not call them when you experience difficulty or loss.
Ideal Tribal Members
Consider what qualities you want in your ideal tribal members:
Support: Do they provide you with the support you need?
Encouragement: Do they encourage you to pursue your goals and dreams?
Empathy: Are they empathetic and understanding of your feelings and experiences?
Managing Unhealthy Relationships
Once you identify people who are not providing you with a healthy balance of support, encouragement, and empathy, it’s time to get tough through better and considered boundary management. It isn’t always possible to remove someone from your tribe (e.g., family members, or colleagues). So, how do you limit their impact on your life?:
Set Clear Boundaries and Mean It!: Communicate your boundaries clearly and enforce them consistently and with conviction.
Limit Exposure: Reduce the amount of time and energy you invest in these relationships.
Nurture Your Healthy Relationships : Build and strengthen relationships with those who positively influence your life.
Healthy Ways to Rid Yourself of Toxic Energy: Learn techniques to manage stress and emotional responses when dealing with challenging relationships. Whether it's journaling, exercising, reading, dancing, etc., find a medium/s that helps you redirect your energy to neutralise the impact of the negative energy of others.
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